Knowlwdge is not what will empower me to act. I need bravery, guts, cojones, truth. Most of the life I have lived is nothing but a lie. I must free myself from this reality that has never been. Then I can be free to be myself, the real me. The problem is that I am not happy with myself. I therefore am not happy with a girl that likes me. That´s why I always want what I can´t have. And that´s why when I have something I can no longer want it. I am an illusionist. I pretend to be someone that doesn´t exist. I have replaced myself with this me that has never taken a breath. I have become this person, or at least pretended to. So I cannot be real, I do not really exist. I sought out to find the world and ended up finding myself. Not without me or within me, but parallel to me. I must either stop fronting and truly learn to be myself, or I need to truly become the person I imagine to be. The latter, although harder, is the easy way out. But I feel that I´m not strong enough to search through my bullshit and find me.
I must either find myself or become the self I pretend to be.
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